cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
