Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
