god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
