Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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