i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
