I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
