its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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