This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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