It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
