ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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