i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Did I show you my penis last night?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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