so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
