He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
