I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
