Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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