Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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