I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
