and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
