totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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