Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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