I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
