I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
