I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
