physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
