Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
