Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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