ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
