So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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