Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
