Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just had sex on a roof
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
