i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
