I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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