i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
operation have a gay friend backfired
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
