I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
