so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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