Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
