You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
