Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
