mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
