I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need water and some morals
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
