No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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