I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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