i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
