at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
