I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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