Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we're making bets on your personal life
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
