Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
