tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
