So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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