it wasn't lemon gatorade
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
