What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
