it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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