You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
